i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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