sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
