Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
