I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They took my balls.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
