I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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