So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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