There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A bitchslap is in order.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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