it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
