I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
