omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
