I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
