using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
