did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
