New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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