I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
