those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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