Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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