it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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