Non-Jews are for practice
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
