Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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