my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i need to put some appletini on your dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
