Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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