I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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