she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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