you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
