I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i've created a new STD.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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