All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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