I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
