I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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