You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
