I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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