This is not my ceiling
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
