on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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