Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
