im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
