Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
