Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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