i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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