Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
