i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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