: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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