3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
