You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
