So drunk its hurt
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My dick has a subreddit
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
