i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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