my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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