i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
