HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
