She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
