She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
