is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize