Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
