oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize