i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
