Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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