remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize