I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
