It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
