she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
