I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you didnt know i had herpes?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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