remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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