Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
