I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
