I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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