tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
