Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
