They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize