I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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