Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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