it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my being single is dangerous.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
