It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just invented taco cereal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
