Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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