That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
