Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize