my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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