Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
