The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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