so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
