considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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