if i can run in heels then i can drive
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize