Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
