His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
