I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
