Why are handjobs necessary in class?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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