Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
