i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
