i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
