Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
