i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
