you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
