I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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