theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
