after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
