i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
