either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
