I could have mohawked her pubes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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