You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My feet surprised me
Randomize
