Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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