Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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