Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
